Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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