we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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