If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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