Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
