i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
