Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
