I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
