Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
