Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
