Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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