dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
