Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
