i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
