I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
