i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
