I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
