Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
