Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
