Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
