My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
