you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
