you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
