Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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