You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
