he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
