I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
