You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
