there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
