I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Randomize
