Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
