phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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