You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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