um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We talked him into tasing himself.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
