These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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