A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
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