Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think I have vodka in my lungs
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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