So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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