your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
