i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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