hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Randomize
