I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
