he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
