Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
