my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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