I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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