This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
