There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Randomize
