i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
