ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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