these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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