im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
