the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
