I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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