i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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